And finally, new rule.     I told you so.     I’ve been telling Democrats for years,     the Republicans are going to steal pot     from you as an issue. And now Trump says     we’re looking at reclassification and     we’ll make a determination.

What’ you expect? He is the master at     winning votes from small groups who are     passionate about one issue. Picking up a     couple percent here, a couple there     until on election night, it’s YMCA.     While Democrats offer up high-minded     intangibles like equity and saving the     soul of America, Trump says, “Hey,     waitress, how’d you like to pay no tax     on those tips?” Remember that? And     everybody was like, “Why didn’t we think     of that?”

Las Vegas is a town where everybody gets     tipped. So maybe that’s why Trump was     the first Republican to win Nevada in 20     years. You know, by how much? 50.59%     because napal in the morning smells like     victory.     He did it with the tips. He got the Tik     Tok vote. He got the people for whom     toilets are very important vote.     He got the enough of taking our shoes     off at the airport vote. The crypto bro     vote. The tech bro vote. The bro bro bro     bro bro bro bro bro bro bro bro bro bro     bro bro bro bro bro bro bro bro v v v v     v v v v v v v v v v v v v v v v v v v v     v v v v v v v v v v v v v v v vote.     He got rappers and kale eaters.     Oh yeah, Bobby Kennedy will never be     president, but his make America healthy     again people. Oh, that’s another I don’t     know 4% he picked off and they’re ride     or die.

Choosy yoga moms choose natural     sugar and soda, not corn syrup. And they     want vaccines to be their choice. and     they think your breakfast cereal     shouldn’t glow in the dark.     It might sound like snake oil to you,     but remember Bobby Kennedy actually     cooks with snake oil.     Trump never forgets it’s only hypocrisy     if you had other beliefs to begin with.     In his first term, he signed an     executive order banning Tik Tok and then     got trounced by young voters. So in 24,     he campaigned on saving it and     apparently every tide pod eater     responded     because his youth vote was up 21%. In     his first term, he called cryptocurrency     not money and based on thin air and said     it seems like a scam. And who better to     know a scam?     Well,     well, that was then. Now he’s on more     coins than Julius Caesar.     Overnight, he became the crypto     candidate as opposed to Biden, thecrypt     keeper candidate.

So, chalk up another one or 2%.     Democrats used to own Silicon Valley.     Those California dogoodter liberals who     wanted to save the planet. Yeah, right.     Trump came along and said, “Regulations?     We don’t need no stinking regulations.”     Not only did he win them over in his     second inauguration, they were all     sitting up on the stage with him. There     was an entire section that looked like     the full range of the autism spectrum.

Trump Trump said he would build     He said he would build 10 freedom cities     with flying cars. Is that going to     happen? Of course not. But that kind of     talk gets incel nerds harder than an     Only Fans model who speaks Cllingon.     [Applause]     Trump runs her office like that kid in     8th grade who ran for school president     on a pledge of more snow days.     Okay, I was that kid. Um,     now     could I actually make it snow more? No.     But elections are won on the margins by     a coalition of little things that hit     people personally. Trump gets this. He     feels your pain in the ass.

Kamla ran on democracy, which is the     most important issue, but without the     political skill to sell it, it added up     to nothing. Meanwhile, Trump was running     on I’ll make the poop go down.     He never shut up about bad shower     pressure, shitty light bulbs, and     lowflow toilets.     Not exactly. Ask not what your country     can do for you, but for some little     niche group, it was all that mattered.     He’s right. It shouldn’t take two     flushes to make my go away.

That’s     my guy, YMCA.     People say it doesn’t make sense. He’s a     billionaire from New York, no less, and     everything he sits on is gold. How could     he possibly connect with the common man?     And yet, he keeps winning more of them.     Trump got trounced by black voters in     2016. So, he brought in some muscle from     the West Coast, someone he knows black     men love, Kim Kardashian.     Yeah.     Together they passed the First Step Act,     which scaled back restrictions on     felons, a connection he built on in 2024     by becoming one.

And then he pardoned Lil Wayne and     pardoned Kodak Black and the CEO of     Jay-Z’s company and the founder of Death     Row Records and the former mayor of     Detroit. So, it’s not surprising that     Kanye and Wayne and Chris Brown and     Amber Rose and Snoop and Debbie all     talked him up. That last one out of     professional courtesy.     Now, did he win the black vote? Not even     close, but he doubled what he got in     2020. And in places like Philly,     Detroit, and Milwaukee, that was the     difference. And now he’s going to do it     with pot. Finally, he got around to me.